You Can't Hide Forever
by Plushie Ninja
Summary: Mielle was hired by Umbrella in order to fill their demand of competent workers. When she finds out about their illegal research, she signs on, seeing the potential to make big bucks from selling the cures to the viruses they were making. This works well for many years, but you can't hide forever from Wesker. Note: A cracky fic at times. Not meant to be taken seriously.


_ **A/N: Mielle is a character who is mostly serious, but due to the author's twisted nature, has bad things happen to her. This fic is as my friend had put it, comedy with splinters of seriousness. **  
_

_ Hello. My name is Mielle Duchamp. Let's see, where to begin about myself? I am French. I went to a private college that was paid for by my father. My father unfortunately was so high in debt from bad investments that he came out rich. But he is still in debt nonetheless. While in college, I studied many languages and I got my degree in Virology, partly out of my interest in it, and partly to get a high paying job to pay off his debts. The White Umbrella European Division had needed more virologists to further their research, and I was fortunate to be one of the candidates for a job offer. I took it of course thinking that I'd be well paid and dad would get off of my back. Little did I know that taking the job would lead my life astray..._

Mielle's job required three things: That she be competent, do her work, and keep her mouth shut. The first two she had no problems with, but the last, at least when it came to Umbrella, she had a major problem with. Especially when they were creating viruses and genetic mutations out the wazoo. It ate at her, doing her job. Until it dawned at her that there was some way that she could do her job and not rub against her morals. This took a lot of thorough planning on her part, as Umbrella had eyes _everywhere._ She couldn't make a move with out them knowing. She couldn't even go to the bathroom with out them knowing exactly whether it was number one or number two. When they Umbrella knows everything, they know _EVERYTHING!_ So after months of careful planning, and Google-ing at Internet cafés, she began to put her plan into action. There are some things that she didn't count on happening, such spilling coffee on her boss. That situation went something like this:

Mielle rushed down the hallway late for her presentation on the latest information on the newly developed T-virus yelling about being late. Her boss happened to be going for a stroll with his assistant. The assistant was handing her boss his coffee when all of a sudden she ran into him and the coffee went all over her boss' expensive suit. She apologized profusely, he saw her nametag and he wanted to make sure that he never saw it again. So after "forgiving" her for the incident he ordered his assistant to transfer to Mars, but when he was informed that they didn't have a facility on Mars, he ordered her to be transferred to America.

Prior to her transfer, she took a crash coarse in English, and became quite proficient at it. However she pretends to speak worse than she actually can. Mielle expected to be boarding a plane to be transferred to America. But no, her boss wanted to make her transfer as uncomfortable as possible. She was boarded in a box, with nothing but a mason jar full of Cheetos. If that wasn't bad enough, she was being FedEx'd there. With no toilet paper. In an airplane cargo hold and not even a book. Not to mention her 24-hour hold in customs was boring as hell, and it didn't smell good either, the lack of toilet paper being a direct contributing factor.

When she finally got out of that cramped box, she was thankful that at least it wasn't a breadbox, and she threw the mason jar at the first employee she saw. The mason jar was no longer full of Cheetos, but it was full of something… else… Then she staggered away with a bowlegged strut for the facility's bathroom. Fedex was left without toilet paper for that day, Mielle never allowed herself to be without toilet paper for the rest of her existence. She got into the company car and cursed at the driver in French. The driver, not knowing a word of French, assumed it was a compliment because she said it with a smile on her face. But what she really said was," You are lower than rat shit."

Once she arrived at the American Facility, she decided she needed a shower. So she thought she'd screw with the Americans, and went around to a few, asking about the shower, using the French word for shower, "douche". She also made exaggerated shower gestures, at which point they thought she was having some kind of seizure. Although they were at a loss for what kind of seizure makes one rub their sides and scream "Douche!" in a frustrated voice. They assume that she had Tourettes, which only frustrated her more and caused her to scream louder because she really needed a shower after spending the past couple of days in a crate with a mason jar full of… something, and she wasn't going to blow her cover. Finally someone decided to look up douche on Bing and found that it was a French word for shower. Mielle being tired and frustrated from all the screaming she had done, had taken a long shower, and used up all the hot water, leaving everyone else to either wait, or have a freezing cold shower, depending on their choice. It was going to be hell to have her on board in the American branch, and they were in for a doozy.

_**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this first part. I'm writing this for the lulz. Read and Review, and no flames please.**_


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